On their first two dates, Rick had blown her away. No guy had ever worked so hard to impress her.
She was deeply impressed. He was attentive, respectful, kind and engaged.
Then, just as she decided she had fallen for him…he withdrew.
Overnight, their roles switched. She was trying to get his attention.
Why do men do that? Why are they unwilling to let women in?
Of course, not every man does that, but a lot of guys do.
So much so, that women I coach on dating and relationships often ask me this question.
They come on strong, pursuing with enough passion to make Romeo jealous, but as soon as they win the attention of their Juliet, the game has ended.
What’s going on?
Let’s face it, dating’s no easy job. It’s fun and exciting, but it’s also nerve-racking.
First, it’s all about the chase. He’s trying to get your attention, and you’re deciding if he’s worth it.
There is a point in any dating relationship when both people are so caught up in the pursuit that they do not think about the next step.
And then, things change.
When you decide you’re into the guy, he has to seriously consider whether he wants a relationship. Does he?
You can bet he does, because if he didn’t, he wouldn’t be chasing you!
It is one thing to want something and another to be fearless enough to pursue it.
How should a girl deal with this?
Let me start by telling you what NOT to do.
Don’t Make These Two Common Mistakes
You shouldn’t just assume it’s about you. It probably isn’t. He was already into you before you decided to be with him. He’s still into you now.
Don’t pressure him. This is where most advice columns get it wrong, they often say to play “hard to get” or something along those lines.
Let him know you like him instead of ignoring him.
Do it in a way that doesn’t smother or pressure. (For example, sending texts every hour, on the hour, might be too much.)
Why do men pull away and exclude women during this stage of a relationship? Because they are a little nervous. They are nervous about giving up their freedom of choice.
You don’t need to change, stay the woman he fell in love with.
When he is in the pursuit phase, his motivation is desire. However, as soon as he realizes that this could actually be something real, his motivation shifts.
Suddenly he starts thinking about all the options he’s giving up, as well as the lifestyle changes he’s committed to.
A lot of guys have an irrational fear that committing to a woman would make all of their activities feminized.)
You don’t have to change your behavior when he’s acting this distant. When he’s acting this way, your best bet is to appear relaxed and comfortable.
Feel carefree, confident, and available like the woman that grabbed his heart.
Don’t lose your cool — that’ll make him turn off. Don’t beg for his attention- that’ll make him run away. And don’t freak out and worry he’s noticed something fatal about you.
Freaknig out will put you in a negative frame of mind, which is anything but attractive.
Whenever in doubt, assume the best
He tried to get your attention the first few dates, hoping you’d decide you liked him. He’d gone out on a limb before.
It’s now your turn. Give him enough space to feel comfortable while still letting him know you’re interested.
As soon as a man realizes there’s nothing to be afraid of, he will want a mature, real relationship.
If he’s not interested in committing to a relationship, then he’s not the right guy for you.
Now, before you settle into “waiting mode,” let me share a shortcut that can rekindle his passion for his passion at lightning speed.
It doesn’t hurt to be patient, but if you want to pour a little magic onto the fire of your relationship, here are a few things I’d recommend you do next…
Try This When He Shuts You Out…
According to research, men prefer respect over love. We’re wired that way.
Irrationally, we feel that we have to earn your respect in order to prove ourselves to be worthy of your love.
I understand how crazy this sounds to you as a woman, but as a male dating coach working mostly with women. However, it’s true.
Here’s what you need to know.
If you channel a man’s desire to earn your respect in the right way, he will do anything to earn it for you.
And the more he behaves in this manner, the more likely it is that he will want to extend a long-term commitment to you.
What’s his favorite way to earn your respect?
His aim is to be heroic. He wants to solve problems for you, come to your aid, and prove himself useful.
Although it’s not very romantic, it’s woven into his DNA.
So I’ve created this video explaining this phenomenon in further detail so you can take advantage of his hero instinct whenever you want, even if he’s currently asking for space.
Click here to get your hands on this method now before you miss this chance to transform your luck with men.
Harry’s Masculinity Report 2018 s3.amazonaws.com/harrys-cdnx-prod/manual/Harry%27s+Masculinity+Report%2C+USA+2018.pdf — Men are happiest when a part of something where they feel needed and valued.
Anderson, Cameron & Hildreth, John & Howland, Laura. (2015). Is the Desire for Status a Fundamental Human Motive? A Review of the Empirical Literature. Psychological bulletin. 141. 10.1037/a0038781. — Male need for respect.
Gender Differences in Implicit Self-Esteem Following a Romantic Partner’s Success or Failure,” Kate A. Ratliff, PhD, University of Florida, and Shigehiro Oishi, PhD, University of Virginia; Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, online Aug. 5, 2013. — Men have lower self-esteem when their partner succeeds and they fail (i.e. they don’t feel needed/irreplaceable).
Canevello A, Crocker J. Creating good relationships: Responsiveness, relationship quality, and interpersonal goals. J Pers Soc Psychol. 2010;99(1):78–106. doi:10.1037/a0018186 — Showing him you believe in him and he’s the one for the job.
Reis HT, Lemay Jr EP, Finkenauer C. Toward understanding understanding: The importance of feeling understood in relationships. Social and Personality Psychology Compass. 2017:11(3):e12308. doi:10.1111/spc3.12308 — You value his point of view and abilities.
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