Men’s love is confusing for many women.

First, he likes her, and he wants to give her all his time …

… but suddenly his attention disappears like snow in the sun.

Suddenly, his oasis of sweet words has dried up – and you find yourself in a barren desert.

How do I keep his attention?

Many women have this problem.

So you are not alone in that.

Having been able to talk to many women, I have seen what works and what doesn’t.

I’m a dating coach for a reason, and everything I write here is based on years of experience.

I also coach men, and I know why some men run away from you with their tails between their legs.

And of course, you don’t want that.

But science also has a thing or two in-store when it comes to why you’ve lost your friend’s interest… and how best to deal with that.

Before I give you any tips on this, I would like to expose a difference between men and women.

Men are attracted first….

Only then are they willing to get to know you better.

Even when they are in a relationship, it is important that they feel attracted.

That will make them more willing to invest in you.

It is a bad habit of the man, but one that is important to know.

Most women can make a nice mango crazy on the first date….

But can you still do it on the tenth date?

And on the hundredth?

That’s what this article is all about.

I’m going to give you 13 tips on how to get his attention when you’re dating a guy.

My goal is for him to become obsessed with you again.

You deserve that – a guy who goes all out for you.

When you’re ready, watch the video below:

Tip 1: Don’t go into relationship mode.

Remember the first date?

You didn’t know him that well yet.

You had little expectations of him.

You were actually very relaxed.

“I’ll see how it goes.”

Of course, you stood in front of the mirror for a while, and you prepared yourself well.

But otherwise, you were yourself.

Just like him. He arrived there as a man: with the need to seduce you. And he wanted to do something for that. But he was himself: a bit nervous too. (That’s not to say you noticed, but pretty much every guy is a little nervous about a first date.)

It was simple.

You want to bring that simplicity back into your relationship. If you lose his attention, chances are you’ve made it more complicated than it is. That expectations have come between you. That it is no longer the way it was on the first date.

Time to change that.

Tip 2: Avoid clinging.

On the first date, he went out of her way. He wanted to conquer you, and he was willing to do something for that.

That had to do with you too. You didn’t know him that well yet. So he had to prove himself first.

Now that you do know him, that will of course affect how you stand. If you are very much in love with him, you can have high expectations.

Or feeling insecure and needing a lot of confirmation.

This sends him the signal that you are very committed to him. If this is more intense for you than for him, or if he is not that far yet, then the relationship is out of balance. That can put him off.

Slow down.

Avoid going faster than him. It’s okay to be unsure or that you’d like to be with him. But it is better to discuss this with friends than to constantly show this (at the beginning of a relationship). This way you prevent it from breaking off.

Tip 3: Keep seducing him.

Also, you want to do everything you can to make him (even) crazier at you.

If he is less likely to commit to you than you are to him, it means you need to give him an incentive to find you attractive.

Realize that attraction comes before interest in men. You will need to get his attention before he will ask you how you are.

How you do this is very simple. The first-date principle also applies here.

Act just like on the first date.

Then you made sure you looked good. You took the time to look feminine and strong. You want to keep doing this. If you look your best, you are more likely to be noticed positively by him than to sit on the couch in a jogging suit and eat milk and muesli.

Bonus tip: Make it a shocker.

If you’ve been in your chill pants a little too often lately when he came to visit you, now is the time for a pleasant surprise.

Next time, welcome him in a ” first date outfit.” Or even better: turn it into something exciting. Something that simply cannot escape his attention.

Men are visual, so give us some viewing pleasure!

Tip 4: Let him play with you.

Okay, you’ve got his attention back a little bit. Now the question is: How do you hold it?

Our attention is pretty easy to catch with the first-date kit. But holding on to that is just a bit more complicated.

The first thing you want to check if he has lost interest in you is how much effort he still has to “have” you.

Men are lazy creatures.

When we have someone who is completely loyal, who we have already conquered, then there is little reward for putting in any more effort. As a result, our interest gradually declines.

Compare it with a cat and a ball of wool. The cat can play for hours if you challenge it with the wool. Provided you pull the ball away from his face just before he can grab it. Then he becomes fascinated and wants to keep trying.

But you throw the ball directly at him like: Here you have it …

Then you see that cat gets bored very quickly. He’ll just grab it, look at it, and then walk away. Like: Well, now it has been good.

With a man, you don’t want to throw the ball of wool at him in one go, but always challenge him a little with one thread. For example, he will tend to keep playing, and you will keep his attention.

That’s because the effort he has to put in is equal to how long you the ball of wool holds his attention.

Don’t be easy.

If he wants to meet you? Then you wait a few extra days.

Or does he want to see you at his place on a Tuesday at 11 p.m. Hahaha, the joker …

Send him a message:

“Hey, I think it’s nice to see you… but I’m not the kind of girl who comes to see you late at night. Let’s see each other on a terrace on Saturday afternoon. ”

That way he knows immediately that he will not get rid of it with lazy behavior.

And speaking of messages….

Tip 5: Tease him.

If there is some texting back and forth, you can use this to get his attention and “make him tasty”.

You want to tease him a little bit so he can get into you – then make him wait.

An example.

“Hey, I had a dream about you last night….”

Even if you’ve lost his attention, you’ll get it right back. He’ll at least find it flattering and at best he’ll wonder what exactly you were thinking about.

Fast forward, a few messages further. Suppose you send him an exciting photo via WhatsApp….

(We all do that sometimes.)

And he then wants to meet immediately.

Then tell him: “Tomorrow”

Make him wait a moment. It doesn’t have to be very long, just a little bit is enough.

This keeps things exciting for him. And in the time in between, he starts fantasizing about you. This is exactly where you want it. That’s how you are in his attention.

Snapple?

So you want to tease him and “keep him warm”, even when you’re not together. You can find out how to do that in my blog about sexting for women. 

Tip 6: Make him jealous.

Men are crazy people. One of the things that make us different from women is that we first feel attraction … and then interest in your personality.

Another difference is that before we go all out for you, we must first feel jealous.

Are you dealing with a man who takes you a little too much for granted? Then he may not question your loyalty. And if not, then he doesn’t tend to “own” you.

It’s a bit crude, but that’s what it boils down to in a man. He wants you to be “his”….

But if you are already, without having experienced jealousy just before, then he won’t appreciate his positive feelings. After all, he didn’t have to fight for it.

Time to make him jealous.

If you haven’t been dating that long, you should post a photo of you and another guy on your Facebook.

Not a photo where you are chatting each other up, but one where you are doing something fun together. This way, he can see that he’s not the only guy in your life who might be interested. It can be that simple.

Or tell between nose and lips that you were going to do “something nice” with “a friend” of yours. Most men don’t believe that friendship is platonic. They are too jealous for that.

Awaken his jealousy, then enjoy his urge to occupy.

Tip 7: Don’t forget to let him know that you like him.

It could also be that if you’ve lost his attention, you’ve gone too far and he feels like you don’t like him at all.

See, we men like a challenge…. But not endless exercises.

At some point, we do want to get to the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow, and sometimes it all takes a little longer.

Some men have more patience than others.

Whatever the case, you always want to give him signals from which he can infer that you like him and that you want him to go for you.

How do you do that?

Flirt with him. It does not matter whether you are one or one hundred on date: keep pretending that you have not known each other that long. Keep giving him signals that you like him and that you want him to conquer you.

So this is very different from deep declarations of love. They have their place, but not every time you are in the same room together. Flirting, on the other hand, is something you can keep doing, which will never get boring and will make you hold his attention.

Do you want tips on how to flirt in a relationship? Then look here. How do you drive a man crazy?

What you want to keep in mind is this.

Men like hard to get, but not impossible to get. You want to give him a challenge, but one with a clear ending and with a high reward.

Tip 8: Know your competition.

Look.

Your boyfriend will love you. Otherwise, he wouldn’t be with you.

And even if a man dates you, he is interested, even if he does not always show it.

The moment he pays less attention to you, there is a good chance that something else is going on in his life.

Little things like ‘work’, ‘his education’ or ‘ambitions’.

They are very important to a man.

But also when he has something to process.

Men are tigers when it comes to problems.

They have to pace for a while in a quiet spot in the jungle, without anyone around them. If he’s giving you less attention at the moment, one of the above could be the cause.

But Tim, what have I got to do with that? I just want him to pay more attention to me!

I understand that very well. After all, you also have your needs.

But if you know that he needs his attention elsewhere right now, I would take a few deep breaths …

… And give him the chance to finish what he started properly. Then he will come back to you.

If that’s not enough for you, or he’s very ambitious, then you want to be a “distraction” for him.

How cool is it when he works hard …

… and he comes home that night …

… And you are waiting for him in your most exciting outfit?

Realize that if he has an interesting and rock-hard job, he will be intensely stimulated all day long.

He is not waiting for intense conversations or too sticky emotions. No, he either wants to be alone – or recreate.

And you have to know for yourself how to fill in the latter, but if you are smart you will find something that you both enjoy. Something uncomplicated, and where he doesn’t have to think about his work for a while – but a bit about you.

Tip 9: Be like the First Lady.

As you know, men have more to do than sitting on the couch with you. At least, most.

He may worry that a relationship with you will take his attention away from the other things that matter to him.

And that thought is difficult for a man.

He likes to see himself as independent, as strong, as a king.

Are you a queen, or do you want to demote him to a lackey?

My client Peter …

… Is an investment banker. He is literally at work all day.

Then he met a lady who he absolutely loved. She was smart, beautiful, and sexy. After dating for a while, he was hopelessly in love.

I spoke to him a month later …

… And then it turned out that he had broken up with her.

As a dating coach, I am used to something, but I was really surprised about this.

I asked him: “How is that possible? You were in love, right? ”

What seems?

He was so in love with her that he feared he would put his ambition aside for her. He didn’t think it was worth it. And then he threw her out of his life overnight. Spijkerhard removed her number. And not spoken to her anymore.

Your husband is undoubtedly nicer than Peter…. But this is how ambitious men sometimes deal with it. Everything has to make way for their dream. You too if you get in the way.

Most men lower the bar, but every man needs independence to some degree and the pursuit of his ambitions. The last thing you want to do is give the impression that you are going to lie on the track like a rock to block its train.

So what is the best thing to do?

Act like the First Lady.

The wife of the President of the United States has a special role.

She is not only married to the boss of the world, which means that she is constantly in the spotlight; she must also try to support him in his ambition.

Well, your friend is undoubtedly not the President of the United States (and welcome otherwise, Michelle).

But you want to continuously show him that you value his ambition and that you want him to go for it. That you don’t see it as an obstacle to your relationship.

In fact, you may find it more attractive for that.

And subtly drop that? That can’t hurt.

“Gosh, I think it’s so good of you that you worked overtime today. You had already been on it for eight hours, but you went for it for another two hours. I would have become quite tired. You are really motivated to achieve what you want! ”

Tip 10: Do the Ostrich.

A man gets lazy when he thinks you are his.

At the same time, he can become restless if he no longer considers himself independent enough.

Now the question is, how do you make him feel more independent, and feel like he has to make an effort for you, and want you more with one simple step?

Welcome to the Ostrich.

The Ostrich is the secret weapon I teach all my female coaching clients. I think it is time to tell him now on my blog.

The idea is as follows.

Do you talk to each other every day, or is there always a text message back and forth? Then don’t do this for a day.

Full radio silence for 24 hours, at least.

Do you talk every three days?

Time to ignore him for about five days.

Why do you wonder?

Exactly for the three reasons I just mentioned.

You reassure him that he is not overly screwed (ironically). You let him hear less from you, so he concludes that he is okay with his independence.

Besides, he will also ask himself:

“Hey, I always hear from her at this fixed moment. Where has she gone? ”

At best he thinks, “Oh wait- she’s got no other, does she?”

He won’t panic after a day. But if this cloud pops up in the back of his mind … it doesn’t hurt every now and then.

And finally, now comes the final blow of the Ostrich.

If he asks why you haven’t responded to his messages for a day, you say …

“Yes sorry. I was equally busy with other things. I am not available 24/7 to respond when you send a message ”.

Your husband will get a blow to his ego like this. The lion in him will resurface and roar, “But WAIT!”

Why isn’t she available 24/7 to answer my messages ?!

He will not show this to you. Because lions are hunters, but they are also proud.

But make no mistake! He wants you more. Be more competitive. The male emerges in him.

Don’t be surprised if he suddenly starts doing his best for you. If he even gets a little desperate to get your attention.

Because remember: a lion never gives up.

But he simply cannot compete with the Ostrich. He has a secret weapon to conquer a lion. And just like the ostrich, you now have a secret weapon in your hands.

Tip 11: Provide variation.

Look.

When you are on the couch together and not a single whistle happens …

Then I understand that at a certain point he gives up and starts looking for adventure.

It doesn’t even have to be you. It may be that the way he looks for variety in his life, the new things he tries, just aren’t that good with you.

Maybe they are typical men’s things:

• Is the locking himself up in his garage to tinker with a new bike?
• Is he buying new computer games that he and his friends can mess with for hours?
• Is he joining a new football club?

This could be an indication that he feels like doing new things.

And is that the case? Then make sure you join him.

Say it yourself. If the only variation in your relationship is what flavor of cheese chips you eat on Saturday night during The Voice of Holland, it’s time to get off your butt and try something new:

• Cook a new dish together.
• Try a crazy new sport together.
• Try a restaurant that has just opened.

You may think:

But how is it possible that this works? Who cares whether we have variety in the activities we do, or what flavor of cheese chips we eat together? Variation is variation, right?

I’ve coached thousands of people, and there’s one thing I’m sure about.

Nobody wants a boring partner.

And science shows this too. Men like women who are more open to new experiences. In other words, boring women are less attractive than women who try something new.

By showing that you are open to new experiences, he can just give you more attention. And that is nice, because you experience something new, and you win it back a bit.

Tip 12: Travel together.

Have you ever heard of Mr. Pavlov?

He was a scientist who liked to experiment with animals.

Sounds freaky, but it’s not that bad.

After all, good food was involved, and it’s always good, right?

He has conducted his most famous experiments with dogs. The moment he fed them, he rang a bell.

He did this consistently for a short while.

Then he decided not to feed the dogs, but to ring the bell.

What turned out? All dogs thought the food was ready. They came over and spontaneously started drooling.

They had become confused and thought that the bell was “the cause” of the food.

How you can use this in your relationship …

Traveling makes you happy.

Research after research shows this. Recently, scientists have discovered that the farther from home Tweets are, the more happy words they contain.

And you can recognize this in your own life. Just think about how you enjoy your vacation.

You can already feel it coming.

When traveling makes you happy …

And you want your friend to have more reasons to pay attention to you….

Then go to another place with your friend!

Because the journey itself produces happiness hormones, your friend will associate them with you. He will unconsciously think that his happiness comes from the journey through you.

Just like the drooling dogs reacted as if the food was a result of the ringing bell when it was not at all.

It’s a really interesting trick that can help boost your relationship. Also, traveling is great fun in itself – research proves it.

And no …

I don’t want to say that you should take time off from work immediately and then fly to the Philippines with a last-minute ticket.

You can also perform this experiment in a small way. Instead of staying home for the weekend, go to another city and walk around there a bit. What’s stopping you?

If you live in Utrecht, you can be in Groningen within two hours by train, a very beautiful city. And that of course also applies the other way around.

You can come anywhere in the Netherlands within a few hours. Nobody has seen the whole country yet. And if you are very fond of traveling, nothing will stop you from driving to Germany and Belgium this weekend. It is not that those countries are much further away.

Even Hungary or Sweden are only a few hours away. All in all, it takes no more than five hours to get there (including airport transfer), and often cost no more than 100 euros for a return ticket.

It will give your relationship a boost, you will look more attractive to your boyfriend and you will see the world.

Tip 13: Go on a bedroom safari.

Speaking of adventures….

How is your sex life?

Okay, okay, I don’t need to know in detail …

… but it doesn’t hurt to take a critical look at this yourself:

• How experimental are you?
• Are you still as fond of each other as in the beginning?
• Does he find enough challenge and you find enough love?

Here I give you tips on what men want in bed. And if he gives you less attention, I would start to turn him on as much as possible. That’s what the sex tips are for.

For a man, attraction comes first – then interest.

And attraction is a fire that you can easily kindle.

It’s that simple.